Great Expectations!

ex⋅pect

  [ik-spekt]

–verb (used with object)

1.	to look forward to; regard as likely to happen; anticipate the occurrence or the coming of: I expect to read it. I expect him later. She expects that they will come.

Based on this definition, an expectations is, in essence, merely a form of hope..or trust. Trust that what has been created by intention will occur. So...is it ever healthy, or appropriate, for us to set expectations or are we setting ourselves up for disappointment every time? The answer is, of course, it depends. Expectations can be a limiting, destructive tool of the ego, but can also be a healthy form of hope and expression of trust in our relationships. There are not only destructive and healthy expectations, but destructive and healthy behaviors associated with them.

There are two types of expectations to consider: The first type is the set of expectations we place on ourselves & others based solely on our own perception of how we think things should be. When we create these false (or unexpressed) expectations, we fall into the inevitable trap of them not being met. Our ego also places expectations on others based on their role and it's need to justify them..."She should do this because she is my mother". A more accurate way of describing this type of expectation might be presumption or prejudice. 

Those who think having expectations are "setting yourself up for disappointment" are likely referring to this type of 'expectation' and are usually attached somehow to an outcome, perhaps based on a past experience. This type of expectation is typically fruitless, yet we unconsciously set these kinds of unrealistic expectations all the time. For instance, it would be irrational to simply 'expect' me to pick you up from work every day just because I agree to do it once, but you'd be surprised how often that can occur.

But, there are also legitimate expectations that are set by an expression of intent. When we express an intention through action or word, we are creating an expectation that the intent be fulfilled. We create internal expectations by using our thoughts & words consciously to visualize a desired outcome, experience the associated feelings, then let the creative thought go and trust in the Universe to manifest what has been created...in other words, we hope for, or expect the outcome of the stated intention. We also create external expectations when we agree to something. 

Suppose I were to say, "I will pick you up at six". By making that statement, I have set the expectation that I will be there at six to pick you up. If you trust my word, you will likely trust, or 'expect', that I will be there at six as promised. If, for whatever reason, I am not able to be there at six and the expectation isn't met, an upset may very well occur. You might then allow that upset to consume you. You might think, "How could she do that to me?" or "If he loved me, he wouldn't have forgotten", etc..feelings of inadequacy can begin to set in. 

Alternately, we can transcend the upset by acting from a point of acceptance and trust. Acceptance that there is a failed expectation, and trust that it didn't occur as an attack on who we are. It might be that I am inconsiderate of your time & shouldn't be trusted with responsibility, but perhaps there was an accident or other traffic delay beyond my control. You may decide whether or not to trust me in the future but, neither reason means you shouldn't expect a ride if promised one.

Letting go of the attachment to expectation or judgments about an outcome is not the same as letting go of having expectations. As you see, the pain doesn't come from the failed expectation itself, it comes from our own judgments about or reaction to it. The key to the health of our relationships as well as to our spiritual growth does not lie in avoiding these upsets by not having expectations, but rather in letting go of the judgments about them and accepting the situation with awareness.